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Tuesday 12 November 2013

Lesbian Advice #6: How Do You Avoid Lesbian Drama?

Disclaimer: This advice column is completely confidential - all questions are anonymous and the author will never reveal an inquirer's identity. All Things Lesbian and its contributors are not responsible for the personal interpretation of any advice given. Advice written here is the opinion and suggestion of the author, and the decision on whether to take said advice is completely down to the individual reader. We're not professionals - we're simply here trying to make things a little easier for you. Enjoy!

Question 1: Does My Boyfriend Really Understand What It Means To Be Bisexual?

Q: I've been dating a guy for over a year and a half, and within that time I have come to terms with my bisexuality. He is supportive of me but I'm never sure if he understands the extremity of this self-discovery. We have never been fully compatible but we enjoy each other's company; I just don't know what to do in this situation. (I have asked my friends but they don't really have any concept of the coming out process.) Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

- H

A: This question sounds a little ambiguous to me. Are you asking how you can help your boyfriend to understand what a big deal this is to you? Or are you questioning whether you are happy with him?

Let's answer both sides of the question and see if that helps.

If you're simply wanting to help him understand the extremity of your new found identity, there is no other way than to sit down and really talk to him about it. And I mean TALK. Get everything off your chest. Don't avoid little details because you don't think they're important. In the end if he doesn't really get it, does it really matter that much in the grand scheme of things? I'd suggest that what is most important is that you are comfortable with yourself. You need to fully come to terms with things such as your sexual orientation in order to even slightly help others to understand. Start off with really thinking about what being bisexual means to you.

In regards to questioning how right you are for each other, think about how you feel about him. Do you think about him when you close your eyes above all other people in the world? You say you're not fully compatible but you enjoy each other's company. Think about whether or not this relationship feels like it would be better as just friends to you. Of course this is going to be hard - you've spent over a year of your life by his side! - but wouldn't you rather be 100% happy with who you choose to be with, male or female?

Hopefully some of these tips will help you come to a proper conclusion. Good luck!

Question 2: LESBIAN DRAMA!

Q: How do you avoid lesbian drama?

- @TheC_Spot via Twitter

A: If any lesbian knew the sure-fire answer to this question, I'm pretty sure they'd be labelled a Goddess.

Honestly, whether you're a lesbian or not you're going to be hit by drama once in a while. The only way to avoid it completely for your entire life is to become a hermit with no friends.

However, there have been a series of things I've attempted to do in the past that seem to work pretty well. 

Firstly, don't pick sides. Ever! If two of your friends try and drag you into their argument, simply stay out of it, even if you do have an opinion. Be supportive to both friends, but never get personally involved. That's my main rule.

Secondly, stop bitching! If you have a problem with someone, arrange to talk to them. TALKING IS THE BEST MEDICINE. Don't back stab your former girlfriend because of something she did. Let her know that she has upset you TO HER FACE. Everyone can respect someone that stands up and is honest about their feelings. No one likes a bitch. It's that simple.

Again, there is no way to avoid drama. I'm sure you all know that straight people, gay men, bisexuals, pansexuals, HUMANS... they all have drama too! It's unavoidable. But hopefully the things mentioned above will help you at some point in your life.


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