TV FANGIRL MOMENT OF THE MONTH: The 100 Lesbians

by Lauren W

Okay, okay, I know. I said that this new segment was going to be entitled "TV Fangirl Moment of the Week".

Well, everyone knows how bad a procrastinator I am. I can't help it; I've tried to stop, but when it comes to shirking your responsibilities (even if my responsibilities include to document my fangirling), you will find no one better.

So, I've decided to change the title to "Moment of the MONTH". I'm not gonna lie, it might be weekly, monthly... 23-daily, even. But "TV Fangirl Moment of the 23rd Day Since My Last Article" isn't catchy enough. If you have any other suggestions, please let me know.

ANYWAY. Here it is.

(Image Credit: lexa-the-commander @ Tumblr)

YES, YES, YES.

The 100 surprised everyone last week by making its lead female character bisexual.

Clarke (left, played by Eliza Taylor) is the show's leading lady and leader of the Sky People. (Don't ask, it's too difficult to explain unless you watch the damn thing). And the girl she's kissing (right, played by Alycia Debnam Carey) is the leader of the Grounders. (Again, don't ask).

My point is, they're two strong, powerful women with control over a ton of people... AND THEY'RE MAKING OUT. If this isn't fangirl-worthy I don't know what is.

This is also a massive step for gayness on television. The producers have confirmed that Clarke is indeed bisexual, making her the first leading bisexual character on any show. (I'm not including Orange Is The New Black here, as all of the gay and bisexual ladies in that show are arguably "the leading lady".) In any case, it's the first action-led TV show I've seen led by a bisexual character. (And I'm not including Lost Girl in this case either, as I class it as a fantasy show. So calm down.)

Anyway, up until this point, The 100 has been completely void of any LGBTQ characters. But now we gay ladies have something to get extremely excited about. Squee.

Did you see this milestone lesbian kiss happen? And what were your TV fangirl moments of the week/month/decade?

LAST CHANCE!: WIN "Chandelier" - New Single by SIA!

Win a copy of "Chandelier" from Sia! 

"CHANDELIER": the brand-new single from multi-platinum hit maker

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You heard correctly! We have 5 copies in total to give away - you've got nothing to lose!

All you have to do is send your name and address to allthingsles@gmail.com to be in with a chance to win!*

Competition closes April 28th 2014.

*US-Residents only

AN OPEN LETTER TO JESSIE J: Saying Bisexuality is a "Phase" is Problematic

by Lauren W

Today is a sad day. Not because Jessie J has claimed she is straight - we should all be allowed to simply be who we are - but because she says she has "outgrown" her bisexuality, and it was just a "phase".

(Image Source: Digital Spy)

The British starlet took to Twitter this week, tweeting “I fancy/date/love men and only men. Is that “straight to the point” enough?”

Fair enough, you're straight. Good for you, Jessie.

The point for discussion here is that Jessie implicated that her bisexuality was a "phase".

The Domino singer also tweeted:

Remember the thing that you tried/did back in the day. The phase you had? That is so not YOU anymore?! And you look back and think wow how I've changed. I would never do that now. Something that you don't even talk about or want to talk about anymore. Because you've moved on? That was just part of you growing up? Discovering yourself and working out what you liked and disliked.... Remember?

(Source: Jessie J via TMI)

Here's the thing, Jessie. When parents of young people hear you comparing bisexuality to other 'phases' young people go through, it sparks the thought within them that their children are also just bisexual "for the time being".

Yes, we all went through phases. But here's the thing. Saying you're bisexual is not the same as a 14-year old going through a "grunge phase", or a "scene kid" phase. 

The thing is, Jessie, you were never bisexual and you always knew this. We understand that you may have used this idea as a publicity stunt, and you may have also claimed you were bisexual because you had brief flings with women in the past. But we all know that sleeping with a woman once does not constitute bisexuality.

There are many of us who slept with men for years before realising we only wanted to sleep with women. Does that mean we classify ourselves as once straight? Of course not. I, for example, briefly dated men when I was younger, but would I say I was straight back then? No. But I presume you will attempt to claim you were bisexual at one point in your life.

It is dangerous when young girls (and boys!) hear words such as "phase" and phrases such as "I grew out of it". This can suggest to young queer people that they too will 'grow out of it' one day. Those posters of a half-naked Katy Perry on that young girl's wall? Nah, they'll grow out of it. The young boy who has a crush on his best friend? It's an anomaly, and he'll grow out of it. This is DANGEROUS. Not only could such young people have high hopes for their sexuality to 'change' and be disappointed when they still want to bang members of the same-sex by the time they reach 18, but buzzwords such as 'phase' can lead to dire consequences. 

In the worst cases, devout young religious people will lose faith in their God, whom they have prayed to for hours on end to help them change, but to no avail. (I am not championing religion here, I am simply given different examples of how this could negatively affect our youth.) Others will slump into a deep depression; some may even contemplate suicide once they realise they cannot 'grow out of it' like you supposedly have. Is this something you intended when you explained your heterosexuality? Probably not. But you definitely did not think about what you were saying before you published your words to 6.5 million Twitter followers.

Again, it's not your announced heterosexuality that is sparking such a response from ATL, it is the way in which you phrased it. Comparing bisexuality to that phase you had when you would only listen to Status Quo is incomparable on so many levels.

Next time, stars like Jessie need to think about their choice of words (see: Laurel Hollman - click the link!) when making adjustments to the way they have previously labelled themselves.

Though they may not realise what the effects of their words may be, there are people who see celebrities today as role models. We need to ensure this does not happen again.

Lesbian Advice #6: How Do You Avoid Lesbian Drama?

Disclaimer: This advice column is completely confidential - all questions are anonymous and the author will never reveal an inquirer's identity. All Things Lesbian and its contributors are not responsible for the personal interpretation of any advice given. Advice written here is the opinion and suggestion of the author, and the decision on whether to take said advice is completely down to the individual reader. We're not professionals - we're simply here trying to make things a little easier for you. Enjoy!

Question 1: Does My Boyfriend Really Understand What It Means To Be Bisexual?

Q: I've been dating a guy for over a year and a half, and within that time I have come to terms with my bisexuality. He is supportive of me but I'm never sure if he understands the extremity of this self-discovery. We have never been fully compatible but we enjoy each other's company; I just don't know what to do in this situation. (I have asked my friends but they don't really have any concept of the coming out process.) Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

- H

A: This question sounds a little ambiguous to me. Are you asking how you can help your boyfriend to understand what a big deal this is to you? Or are you questioning whether you are happy with him?

Let's answer both sides of the question and see if that helps.

If you're simply wanting to help him understand the extremity of your new found identity, there is no other way than to sit down and really talk to him about it. And I mean TALK. Get everything off your chest. Don't avoid little details because you don't think they're important. In the end if he doesn't really get it, does it really matter that much in the grand scheme of things? I'd suggest that what is most important is that you are comfortable with yourself. You need to fully come to terms with things such as your sexual orientation in order to even slightly help others to understand. Start off with really thinking about what being bisexual means to you.

In regards to questioning how right you are for each other, think about how you feel about him. Do you think about him when you close your eyes above all other people in the world? You say you're not fully compatible but you enjoy each other's company. Think about whether or not this relationship feels like it would be better as just friends to you. Of course this is going to be hard - you've spent over a year of your life by his side! - but wouldn't you rather be 100% happy with who you choose to be with, male or female?

Hopefully some of these tips will help you come to a proper conclusion. Good luck!

Question 2: LESBIAN DRAMA!

Q: How do you avoid lesbian drama?

- @TheC_Spot via Twitter

A: If any lesbian knew the sure-fire answer to this question, I'm pretty sure they'd be labelled a Goddess.

Honestly, whether you're a lesbian or not you're going to be hit by drama once in a while. The only way to avoid it completely for your entire life is to become a hermit with no friends.

However, there have been a series of things I've attempted to do in the past that seem to work pretty well. 

Firstly, don't pick sides. Ever! If two of your friends try and drag you into their argument, simply stay out of it, even if you do have an opinion. Be supportive to both friends, but never get personally involved. That's my main rule.

Secondly, stop bitching! If you have a problem with someone, arrange to talk to them. TALKING IS THE BEST MEDICINE. Don't back stab your former girlfriend because of something she did. Let her know that she has upset you TO HER FACE. Everyone can respect someone that stands up and is honest about their feelings. No one likes a bitch. It's that simple.

Again, there is no way to avoid drama. I'm sure you all know that straight people, gay men, bisexuals, pansexuals, HUMANS... they all have drama too! It's unavoidable. But hopefully the things mentioned above will help you at some point in your life.

***

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To get your question in for the December issue of All Things Lesbian's advice column, email allthingsles@gmail.com in which your email will remain completely anonymous!

(If your problem was not answered in this issue, it will be carried over to an upcoming month. Some questions may not be published at all, but ATL tries our best to reply to each and every email, so send in your questions now! What have you got to lose?)