The month is February, which means it's time for a new Lesbian Advice!
Let's do this.
Disclaimer: This advice column is completely confidential - all questions are anonymous and the author will never reveal an inquirer's identity. All Things Lesbian and its contributors are not responsible for the personal interpretation of any advice given. Advice written here is the opinion and suggestion of the author, and the decision on whether to take said advice is completely down to the individual reader. We're not professionals - we're simply here trying to make things a little easier for you. Enjoy!
Question 1: A Trio of Troubles.
Q: I have 3 questions that I need some advice on. Help? - JE
1) How do you know that you are a lesbian?
A: Have you ever sat around with your girlfriends while they talk about guys and not felt comfortable? Maybe you stared at that cute girl's butt for too long in the grocery store. When you think about sex, do you picture yourself with a man or a woman?
Thinking about these questions may be one step closer to you figuring it out. Discovering your sexuality can be different for everyone, but if you find yourself being attracted to girls it's possibly time that you explore that. You might adventure out there and try to date/have sex with/kiss a woman and absolutely hate it. And that's totally fine! Remember there is a huge spectrum of sexual orientations out there. Figuring out what you like best is part of the fun! And in the end if you realize you're not gay, there's nothing wrong with that either. Explore your surroundings.
2) How do you know the straight lady you are in love with can accept you?
A: The problem with this one is, you can't be sure. Maybe subtly dropping the idea of homosexuality into conversation would be beneficial here; see if she's okay with gay people, whether she supports same-sex marriage, heck, even ask if she thinks Brittana are a cute couple. Get creative, and if in the end she doesn't accept you, she's simply not worth your time.
3) Is it possible for an Asian to be with a Caucasian?
A: I find it incredibly sad that some people still need to ask these sorts of questions. Love is not based on race, it's based on emotions. Remember that it is okay for anyone of any race, gender or sexual orientation to be with anyone they like. Personal traits should not matter.
Question 2: Am I A Man Trapped Inside a Woman's Body?
Q: How can I tell if I am not just a man trapped inside a woman's body vs a lesbian? I am attracted to women, and have dated a few of them, but part of me also acts a bit masculine and I love the feeling when wielding a dildo and I make love to my partner. It actually feels a bit more natural than without it. - A
A: I understand your dilemma here. Personally, I love the feeling of fucking a girl while wearing a strap-on, but I know deep inside that I am female. Although your gender should not be anyone else's business, it can be taunting when faced with such questions as these.
It sounds to me like you could do with some soul-searching. Do you feel like a woman? Or do you feel more comfortable as a man? It's also important to remember that you don't need to fit into society's gender binary system. Maybe you feel both male and female, and there's totally nothing wrong with that.
There is a great information booklet you can read for free online from the Vancouver Coastal Health service. Click HERE and you may be a little closer to understanding who you feel you truly are. (And whoever that person turns out to be, remember that person is awesome!)
Question 3: I Thought I Was Straight!
Q: I was at a Valentine's Day party this week and I started to chat up a nice woman. By the end of the night, she had charmed her way back to my bedroom. We got there - a little tipsy! - and I woke up in the morning thinking the night before had been a dream. When I rolled over, I saw her lying naked in my bed and it all came flooding back to me.
I had always thought I was straight and I never do one-night stands. I feel like my world has been turned upside-down; I thought I had to be in a committed to relationship to have sex with someone. I feel a little dirty and that I have let myself down a little, but I also feel some emotion or connection I've never experienced before. It's weird and scary, but I kind of like it. I thought because she'd given me a real orgasm (something I'd never felt before) it could be clouding my judgment. Any advice on this would be great!* - EB
A: I definitely understand why this would be a scary time for you. When you realize maybe you weren't who you thought you were, an identity crisis is completely normal.
There are two sides to this. Maybe you are straight. Maybe this was a one-time thing and the booze got a little too much for your self-control. However, maybe you do like women. Maybe you're bisexual, maybe you're gay. Exploring yourself and experimenting may be your answer here. Maybe try kissing a girl or chatting to a girl when you're sober, and see where it takes you and how you feel about it.
Also, you should really not think of yourself as "dirty" because you had a one night stand. Those kinds of thoughts are all related to slut shaming and oppressing women's sexual desires. If you want to have sex, go have sex! Of course you should always be safe about it, but if you want it, there is no one that can tell you you shouldn't be doing it. Explore your sexual fluidity while you explore what you like in the bedroom. And if you want to go back to only having sex in committed relationships, that's completely fine too! Just do what you feel is best for you. Hope that helps!
*This question has been edited due to length and structure.
***
We love answering your questions here at All Things Lesbian!
Let's do this.
Disclaimer: This advice column is completely confidential - all questions are anonymous and the author will never reveal an inquirer's identity. All Things Lesbian and its contributors are not responsible for the personal interpretation of any advice given. Advice written here is the opinion and suggestion of the author, and the decision on whether to take said advice is completely down to the individual reader. We're not professionals - we're simply here trying to make things a little easier for you. Enjoy!
Question 1: A Trio of Troubles.
Q: I have 3 questions that I need some advice on. Help? - JE
1) How do you know that you are a lesbian?
A: Have you ever sat around with your girlfriends while they talk about guys and not felt comfortable? Maybe you stared at that cute girl's butt for too long in the grocery store. When you think about sex, do you picture yourself with a man or a woman?
Thinking about these questions may be one step closer to you figuring it out. Discovering your sexuality can be different for everyone, but if you find yourself being attracted to girls it's possibly time that you explore that. You might adventure out there and try to date/have sex with/kiss a woman and absolutely hate it. And that's totally fine! Remember there is a huge spectrum of sexual orientations out there. Figuring out what you like best is part of the fun! And in the end if you realize you're not gay, there's nothing wrong with that either. Explore your surroundings.
2) How do you know the straight lady you are in love with can accept you?
A: The problem with this one is, you can't be sure. Maybe subtly dropping the idea of homosexuality into conversation would be beneficial here; see if she's okay with gay people, whether she supports same-sex marriage, heck, even ask if she thinks Brittana are a cute couple. Get creative, and if in the end she doesn't accept you, she's simply not worth your time.
3) Is it possible for an Asian to be with a Caucasian?
A: I find it incredibly sad that some people still need to ask these sorts of questions. Love is not based on race, it's based on emotions. Remember that it is okay for anyone of any race, gender or sexual orientation to be with anyone they like. Personal traits should not matter.
Question 2: Am I A Man Trapped Inside a Woman's Body?
Q: How can I tell if I am not just a man trapped inside a woman's body vs a lesbian? I am attracted to women, and have dated a few of them, but part of me also acts a bit masculine and I love the feeling when wielding a dildo and I make love to my partner. It actually feels a bit more natural than without it. - A
A: I understand your dilemma here. Personally, I love the feeling of fucking a girl while wearing a strap-on, but I know deep inside that I am female. Although your gender should not be anyone else's business, it can be taunting when faced with such questions as these.
It sounds to me like you could do with some soul-searching. Do you feel like a woman? Or do you feel more comfortable as a man? It's also important to remember that you don't need to fit into society's gender binary system. Maybe you feel both male and female, and there's totally nothing wrong with that.
There is a great information booklet you can read for free online from the Vancouver Coastal Health service. Click HERE and you may be a little closer to understanding who you feel you truly are. (And whoever that person turns out to be, remember that person is awesome!)
Question 3: I Thought I Was Straight!
Q: I was at a Valentine's Day party this week and I started to chat up a nice woman. By the end of the night, she had charmed her way back to my bedroom. We got there - a little tipsy! - and I woke up in the morning thinking the night before had been a dream. When I rolled over, I saw her lying naked in my bed and it all came flooding back to me.
I had always thought I was straight and I never do one-night stands. I feel like my world has been turned upside-down; I thought I had to be in a committed to relationship to have sex with someone. I feel a little dirty and that I have let myself down a little, but I also feel some emotion or connection I've never experienced before. It's weird and scary, but I kind of like it. I thought because she'd given me a real orgasm (something I'd never felt before) it could be clouding my judgment. Any advice on this would be great!* - EB
A: I definitely understand why this would be a scary time for you. When you realize maybe you weren't who you thought you were, an identity crisis is completely normal.
There are two sides to this. Maybe you are straight. Maybe this was a one-time thing and the booze got a little too much for your self-control. However, maybe you do like women. Maybe you're bisexual, maybe you're gay. Exploring yourself and experimenting may be your answer here. Maybe try kissing a girl or chatting to a girl when you're sober, and see where it takes you and how you feel about it.
Also, you should really not think of yourself as "dirty" because you had a one night stand. Those kinds of thoughts are all related to slut shaming and oppressing women's sexual desires. If you want to have sex, go have sex! Of course you should always be safe about it, but if you want it, there is no one that can tell you you shouldn't be doing it. Explore your sexual fluidity while you explore what you like in the bedroom. And if you want to go back to only having sex in committed relationships, that's completely fine too! Just do what you feel is best for you. Hope that helps!
*This question has been edited due to length and structure.
***
We love answering your questions here at All Things Lesbian!
To get your question in for the March issue of All Things Lesbian's advice column, email allthingsles@gmail.com in which your email will remain completely anonymous!
(If your problem was not answered in this issue, it will be carried over to an upcoming month. Some questions may not be published at all, but ATL tries our best to reply to each and every email, so send in your questions now!)
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