Lesbian Clichés (Part 2)

It's back! After popular demand, I've gone ahead and written 'Lesbian Clichés (Part 2)' a week early. Let's get cracking, shall we?

Cliché numero Seis: Tank Tops.

That's right, if you're thinking "well straight people wear them too!" - I know! I FREAKIN' KNOW! But what is a tell-tale sign when recognizing a dyke on the prowl? A tank top. a.k.a. 

Wifebeater! 

Yeah, yeah, the woman above is not a lesbo. But she is so hot. ;)

You will, however, find many famous lesbians including Cathy DeBuono and Jenny Shimizu wearing them. Chances are, if you're out in a bar or a nightclub, the girls in the tank tops are the gay ones! You can even get awesome lesbian themed versions for yourself at CafePress. (Like the one below!)

Cliché numero siete: U-Haul.

U-Haul? If you're a lesbian and reading this, I'm guessing you know what I'm talking about. For you non-lesbians, I'll explain...

U-Haul (also known as 'the lesbian urge to merge') is when a lesbian couple decide they are going to move in together after knowing each other for only a short time - sometimes even only a couple of weeks!

For example, my girlfriend and I have been seeing each other for 5 months now, and we have already decided we're going to buy an apartment together in London, have at least one child (that she will be carrying) and maybe get a pet cat/dog. All this in five months? Not that I'd know, but I'm sure most straight couples would be totally freaked out by this notion at only 5 months...

On that note, does anyone know why this is? How come lesbians decide this stuff so quickly?

Cliché numero ocho: Ties.

Perhaps made more mainstream by The L Word's Shane (Kate Moennig), ties are a dead give away when spotting a lesbian.

Again, no idea why this is, but dykes (especially soft butches) tend to wear ties a lot. Not to look smart or presentable, perhaps just to look cool? Whatever, it works!

Cliché numero nueve: Being Butch.

Now I'm not saying all lesbians are butch, I'm saying that straight people think all lesbians are butch.

Now I know this is factually inaccurate - I myself am a HUGE femme. Right now, I'm wearing Barbie pink nail polish and girly eyeliner, so why is this a preconceived notion among straight people? Maybe we should show them some real femmes. Or haven't they heard of Portia De Rossi?

Cliché numero diez: Gay Bumper Stickers!

So they're not exclusive to lesbians, but to gays in general. I guess they're just our little way of letting other gays know!

Aww, doesn't it look pretty? You know you want a gay bumper sticker... Unless you already have one... And if you do, get more! MOAR!

And that's it! I'm sure there are hundreds more. If you think of any, let me know and I'll think about put a 'part 3' together. Until next time!

Lesbian Clichés (Part 1)

Since I know a couple of newbies to the 'lesbian fold' (and no, I don't mean Clementine Ford) I thought I'd blog a couple of clichés signature to lesbians, just to get their balls rolling. Balls? Hypthetically, of course.

Cliché numero uno: Wrist Cuffs.

That's right girls, wrist cuffs aren't just for guys, they're a great giveaway when spotting hot girls out there. Usually leather, the wrist cuff is worn casually with jeans and a vest, à la Jill Bennett. (Check out her left wrist!)

Clearly, they look sexy, especially when you look like Jill...

Cliché numero dos: Chapstick.

No, not because Katy Perry says her 'conquests' wear it. Long before she ever even thought about kissing a girl, we were kissing girls wearing this baby:

There are loads of different brands and it comes in more flavours than Slurpee, which is why we love it! It's small enough to fit in your pocket while you're chatting up the new girl in the coffee shop and it's quick and easy to apply. (Oh, one thing KP did get right: it tastes SO good!)

Cliché numero tres: Cats.

Yeah, so lots of people like cats, gay or straight, but lesbians seem to have some strange obsession with them. 

Aww look at it's little eyes! *ahem* That's right, I am no exception to this rule: cats are cute. You'd be hard pushed to find a lesbian with a dog - or any other animal for that matter. Mostly, I'd say it's because they require less attention than dogs and smell much worse. Plus, it's much more comfortable to be sat on by a cat than a dog.

Anyway, Jill Bennett has 2, Willow and Tara had one and I'm pretty sure if I broke into Ellen & Portia's house in the middle of the night, I'd be attacked by one of their super-furry friends.

Cliché numero cuatro: Teva's.

So not every lesbian has a pair, but Teva's are signature to lesbian feet. Just look at them!:

So you wouldn't find them on a femme, that's for sure, but older, butcher lesbians everywhere are seen wearing these.

Cliché numero cinco: Merging the names of a couple to form one collaborative name.

"Huh?" is probably your first reaction. But you'll understand what I mean in a uno momentum. (Excuse the Spanish, I just have Sara Ramirez in my head... If you know what I mean... ;])

This refers to taking the names of 2 lesbians in a relationship and combining their names. For example, take The L Word golden couple Bette & Tina.

Ahh, that picture reminds me of my girlfriend and I. *sigh*... Sorry, back to the point...

Most lesbians will know that Bette + Tina = TiBette. Not to be confused with Chinese plateau Tibet, of course.

Excuse me, I'm going off track again, hah! Anyway, friends of lesbians always merge their friends' names to create one. Another example would be Callie + Arizona = Calzona. (Referring to Grey's Anatomy, obviously.)

I don't know why lesbians in particular do this... Possibly because gay marriage is still only legal in 5 states (ed's note: yay for Maine!) and the majority of us still can't take the name of our loved one in holy matrimony. Pssh.

So that's it: our first 5 lesbian 'clichés'. What would you like to see in the next post, oh experienced lesbians?

EDIT: Okay, okay, so maybe we do this for all couples. But doesn't anyone else think that lesbians do it to the maximum?

Things hot up on 'Britain's Next Top Model'

This week, the girls of UK TV show Britain's Next Top Model were required to get 'up close and personal' on their photoshoot.

Obviously, some of the contestants were quite hesitant, but the shoot demanded them to 

kiss and canoodle - often with their worst enemies! One of my personal favorite photos of this week was of Jade getting rather close to Lauren.

Some of the ladies however, started out with horrendously homophobic comments towards the situation. Many approached the situation with comments such as "it looked absolutely disgusting" and one said "I'd rather kiss a frog than a girl." Umm...what? *cough* freak.

Anyway, it seems that most of the girls who were scared at first actually ended up enjoying the whole thing - proving my theory may be correct about everyone being gay! Good times. And in the words of my girlfriend "I don't know what they were complaining about!" Amen to that!

Another of my favorite photos was this sexy shot of cocoa-skinned Kacey caressing Russian beauty Viola's leg.

Let's keep every shoot this sexy, yes?

'AllThingsLesbeau' gets twitter!

Just thought I'd inform fans of the blog that you can now follow blog updates on twitter!

The new sensation sweeping the net, twitter allows you to follow celebrities and friends through their every day lives! It's like stalking made easy! Ha!

So go follow us at http://twitter.com/allthingsles for the newest updates on the blog direct to your phone/computer.

We'll also be taking blog requests - if you have a topic you'd like to see discussed or simply want our opinion on the matter, give us a tweet!

I Have A Theory...

So here's a theory I came up with. I've been debating it over and over (with myself!) on whether or not it could be true.

My theory is that everyone in the world is gay, but few dare admit it.

The reason I came up with this? Well just recently, I've been noticing the growing amounts of gay and bisexual people coming out, and was just wondering: maybe all people are and are just too afraid to say! 

Crazy? Well, I was thinking, and maybe one rebellious person (there's always a bad guy in every story) wrote the Bible long ago, speaking of how man and woman were meant to be together, confusing all the new little people of the world. You know, Adam & Eve, yadda yadda yadda... Then from that day on, everyone saw homosexuality as something to be ashamed of, and became afraid to tell anyone of their same-sex attraction. 

It could be possible! Don't knock it until there's proof... (Okay, I get that there is no way of proving this, just shut up and don't be picky.)

As for Christians, (or people of other religions who oppose homosexuality) they're so far in denial that they would never think about being with someone of the same sex in fear of doing their precious God wrong... Or would they? ;)

I understand that men have for centuries used women to breed their offspring, (I won't bore you with the whole 'the sperm and the egg' notion) but would God really have given us the ability to develop new humans in other ways - ie. IVF - if he didn't want the whole of the world to be gay? I seriously think it's conceivable that God himself is gay and we have the whole thing wrong: prop 8 should be questioning the marriage between a man and a woman and Christians should be questioning whether or not God would forgive people committing 'straight sex'.

I also understand that the sudden burst of people 'coming out' around me may just be because I'm getting older, more experienced at life etc... But just think about it: How great would the world be if it was just G.A.Y?!

P.s. Obviously, if you're 'straight' and reading this, you're gonna be sat there saying "What a load of bullsh*t, I know I'm straight!" But my theory also suggests that straight people are just too insecure and scared to admit their love of the same sex because we got it all wrong from the very beginning.

Jill Bennett

I realized earlier this week when I was reading UK lesbian magazine DIVA that I don't blog about Jill Bennett enough.

Now usually, when you ask a dyke who her favorite all-time lesbian is, they'd probably answer 'Ellen!' or 'Rosie!' But to be honest, I'd have to say Jill.

So she's not as well known as Portia or Leisha, but she's high up on my own personal 'inspiration' list: she's talented - Jill played Michelle on season 3 of here! TV's Dante's Cove and the infectious Andrea on lesbian comedy web series 3way - she's absolutely gorgeous, and she actually cares about the world, in particular, one of my all-time favorite topics, gay rights.

Currently dating SheWired's Cathy DeBuono, Jill recently protested outside the mormon church that funded anti-gay proposition 8 for the way in which gay people are now classed as second class citizens in California. (Below.) This is just one of the many things Bennett has done for gay welfare, as well as sharing her life with the lesbian community - both on SheWired and AfterEllen.com - ensuring people everywhere that being gay really is ok.

For constant personal updates on Jill, follow her on Twitter: twitter.com/jillbennett14.
Alternatively, click over to SheWired.com for Jill's current video blogs or go to her MySpace page at MySpace.com/JillBennett.

I personally think she's one to watch out for: she's certainly impressed me over the past few years.

Clem Does It Again.

I've blogged time and time again about the coming out and going back in of The L Word star Clementine Ford. But hopefully, this is the last time I'm going to have to mention Cybill Shepherd's daughter for a while because... CLEMENTINE IS ACTUALLY GAY!


And for real this time: we can officially label Ford a new addition to our list of celesbian friends.

Clem finally cracked this week and said:

I am gay. I just wanted there not to be this big emphasis on it. There are people who get it, and get what my original meaning was. Just as I was talking about storylines being a non issue on The L Word; it should just be these people are gay and it’s part of life. I think with that article, and what came across as ambiguity, was actually my attempt at making it a non issue.

So there you have it, the 'ambiguity' stops there. Welcome to the fold, Ford.