by Bo Sellers
This past September I was featured on a weight-loss show called “My Big
Fat Revenge.” Now,50 pounds lighter, in body and mind, I've lost
the weight and found myself. When my soul awoke to my sexuality, it was
as if my mind, also, awoke for the first time. Everything I encounter
comes with a fresh curiosity, that only previously existed within societal
constraints keeping my imagination at bay. My new sense of self has gifted me
more patience, yet I'm still searching for balance in understanding things from
the outside looking in so I'm working on cutting the fat in other areas of my
life as well.
1. Bye-bye judging books by their covers. - Before I realized I was gay, I would quickly jump to conclusions about
people, taking them merely at face-value. I logically knew people were more
than what I saw on the surface, but there was a barrier within me sending my
mind directly to judgement. With my new open-mind, I'm able to take time
to truly appreciate everyone’s different forms of expression. You really
can find the good in ANYone if you look hard enough, some you may have to look
harder than others, but it’s there. It’s always there. If I find
myself struggling to appreciate anyone's personality, I imagine them naked and
crying over a pile of raw beef, if nothing else I'm greeted with a smile from
proposed nudity.
2. Bye-bye double-standards. - I need to
remember just because I know I'm gay now doesn't mean the whole world does. I find myself frustrated when men hit on me to the point I've considered
a style makeover. But I love my long hair and 6 inch heels too much to be anything
but a lipstick lezBO. But seriously, how are the men supposed to know I
prefer poohnahnah? And shouldn't I be flattered either way? I used to
look at every man I was attracted to and assume he was straight, because that’s
what I wanted him to be. I shouldn't chastise a man for doing the exact
thing I used to, and still sometimes do. Even now, I look at every woman I'm attracted to and assume she’s gay because that’s what I want her to be. Although, the women I'm attracted to do tend to have more masculine
qualities. It takes a real woman to be man enough for me.
3. Bye-bye fear. - By the age of 14
I found myself at a significant crossroads. I had sworn off salad from a
near-death choking accident as a toddler. Until one day, salad was the
only food available and I was forced to face my fear or go hungry. Any
inner-fat-girl can tell you, the latter was not an option. I'm glad I had
to face my salad fear because otherwise I wouldn't have discovered a whole new
world of leafy flavor I’d been missing out on. Women are my favorite entrée and I refuse to be intimidated by them any more. I am going to be fearless in love. I’ll probably end up shot through the heart a time or
two, but no one can say I didn't try. Let the cheesy 80's courting begin.
I know my new skills won’t be mastered overnight, but I also know a life
free of judgement, double-standards and fear can lead to nothing but happiness
and pleasure. Even if it takes my entire lifetime to perfect one of them,
it’s a journey worth taking. Appreciating everyone I meet allows me to
better appreciate myself, and self-appreciation is key to loving and being
loved.
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