Lesbian Advice #1: Ex Dilemmas & Identity Questions

Welcome to the first issue of All Things Lesbian's new advice column!

We decided to start this monthly article after being repeatedly asked for advice, and what better way to answer them than on the blog, right?

So, without further ado:

Disclaimer: This advice column is completely confidential - all questions are anonymous and the author will never reveal an inquirer's identity. All Things Lesbian and its contributors are not responsible for the personal interpretation of any advice given. Advice written here is the opinion and suggestion of the author, and the decision on whether to take said advice is completely down to the individual reader. We're not professionals - we're simply here trying to make things a little easier for you. Enjoy!

Question 1: Out With the Old, In With the New?

Q: My ex and I started a successful company together, so not being in each other’s lives is not an option. Long story short, we were together 5 years whilst I suffered depression and anxiety and my partner had insecure and jealous tendencies – our relationship was toxic for the most part. Through stress, we broke up and she moved on and got a boyfriend while I continued therapy.
 
Despite failing to win my ex back, I did my best to move on and started seeing someone new who is amazing. However, my ex saw how well I was doing through social networking sites and now wants to work things out. Should I try and figure things out with my ex or should I move on with this new girl? I don’t want to let anyone down. – S* 

A: Honestly, it sounds like you answered this question for yourself. You said "our relationship was toxic". Toxic! Do you really think that's something you want to get back into? 

Whether or not your anxiety issues and her jealousy issues have been solved, it sounds to me like moving on is the way to go. And I know that sometimes seems hard - we've all be through it! But in this case, it sounds like you are doing well with this new girl, and starting afresh is sometimes what we need in life.

As for not letting anyone down, sometimes we have to be a little selfish. That may sound extremely self-centered, but either way, one of these women will be upset about the decision you make. You should be selfish for once - choose the girl you want to be with based on your own happiness.

Good luck!

*This question has been edited due to length and structure.

Question 2: Can a Man Be a Lesbian?

Q: Is it possible to be biologically male, but feel and almost desire to be a lesbian? Or is that just a straight male fetishizing? – M 

A: It would be extremely easy to come up with a feminist, anti-male response to this question. Alas, I believe that your inquiry is sincere.

Any fan of The L Word will remember Lisa, the "lesbian identified man". Now I have to say, I have a male friend who is exactly like him. My friend - we'll call him Kevin - is a guy who would gladly have sex like a lesbian in forfeit of experiencing sex like a "regular" heterosexual man. What I mean is, he would much rather go down on a girl and not receive anything in return. (Fun side note: Kevin is a self-professed fan of lesbian music such as Tegan & Sara, Robots in Disguise, and Uh Huh Her).

Although there are many sides of this question to consider such as "is this guy being sincere?" and "Is this guy simply being a bigot and fantasizing a little too hard?" I would argue that the actual desire for a guy to be a lesbian is completely normal. Of course, there are a handful of the male population that are simply fetishizing when it comes to this fantasy, but to my knowledge, the range of human desire is so diverse that this could be entirely possible.

Another argument could be that you are actually questioning your gender identity, in which you may want to look up some trans/genderqueer support groups, such as THIS ONLINE ONE, which is UK-based.

***

Wasn't that fun? I hope it helped!

To get your question in for the February issue of All Things Lesbian's advice column, email allthingsles@gmail.com in which your email will remain completely anonymous!

(If your problem was not answered in this issue, it will be carried over to an upcoming month. Some questions may not be published at all, but ATL tries our best to reply to each and every email, so send in your questions now!)

UP & COMING GAY MUSIC: Bec & Sebastian Ivanov

Remember when we said we were supporters of up and coming LGBTQ artists? Well, we weren't kidding!

This time we're promoting the wonderful brother/sister duo, Bec & Sebastian Ivanov.

Who can we compare them to? This pair of gay siblings are an acoustic-sounding, piano playing team, who could be described as a cross between Vanessa Carlton in the piano department and Jessie J in regards to vocal talent, twisted together with a raw, indie-pop edge.

Check out the incredibly catchy "It Comes To An End" below!

Check out more from Bec & Sebastian by clicking HERE and to like them on Facebook, click HERE!

Listen to My Lesbian Radio!

Hey, exciting news, you gays: My Lesbian Radio will be spotlighting this very blog tomorrow at 7pm EST!

Tune in and hear what the lovely ladies over there have to say - their show is hilarious too. Fingers crossed their talk is all good!

Go here to listen!: http://mylesbianradio.com/

Lauren Russell Speaks Up About Her Multiple Sclerosis

Last July, in the midst of The Real L Word airing, Lauren Bedford Russell was diagnosed with Multiple Sclerosis.  

As most people's first natural reaction, Lauren was frightened and shocked to receive such diagnosis at age 31. 

The timing was as well quite ironic as the young reality TV star was at her prime in both her professional and personal life with a successful show, The Real L Word, airing to record breaking ratings, and a burgeoning successful relationship with her cast mate Kiyomi McCloskey, lead singer of Hunter Valentine, who both became the darlings of the show.

Lauren's first MS "episode" manifested with loss of vision in one eye known as optic neuritis. She has now regained her vision back for the most part.
For treatment she has been on a daily injection since August called Copaxone and has not had an "episode" since.
Evidently the scary part about this disease is that anything can happen, a multitude of symptoms can occur at any time and Lauren now lives with this all too brutally real reality. But Lauren is headstrong on being positive about her new health situation, despite the occasional (human) "what if" moments.  

"By publicly coming out about my recent MS diagnosis and becoming a fervent spokesperson for Multiple Sclerosis, I hope to turn my personal fight into public awareness to educate people about the warning signs, raise funds for more research and overall inspire positive change towards the disease, " says Lauren Bedford Russell, "I strongly believe in the power of one to make a difference, after all Jack Osbourne inspired me to go see my doctor as after hearing back in June of 2012 about the first symptoms he experienced, which were similar to mine, I suspected something was wrong with me. Now I am committed to do the same for others and plan working with the National MS Society in every possible way. I've already designed a special bracelet for my Lyons Fine Jewelry line called POSITIVITY BRACELET with 15% of the proceeds to be donated to the National MS Society." 

MS is fast becoming a hot topic in the news as more celebrities don't turn a deaf ear to the disease and are speaking out about it. 

Clearly Lauren is not the only celebrity to receive a diagnosis or to lend her name to raising awareness for the disease, but she is the first openly out public figure to do so.  

As we know, Jack Osbourne recently came out with MS joining celebrities in the likes of  Ann Romney, Montel Williams, and Richard Pryor, to name a few, who are as well affected. Also First Lady Michelle Obama, recently spoke about her father's multiple sclerosis on a recent episode of "The Late Show With David Letterman." 

By publicly speaking out about her MS diagnosis, Lauren hopes to turn her personal fight into public awareness, using her star-power to inspire positive change in the world.  With Showtime having officially announced the cancelation of "The Real L Word" last week, we feel Lauren's announcement is timely as fans were anticipating their favorite character to be returning on the air for a fourth season.  

Lauren gained a tremendous amount of media exposure in both mainstream and LGBT markets with features on MTV’s Style, Curve Magazine, People.com, Coco Perez, Riviera Magazine, and Curve Magazine, to name a few, successfully establishing herself as not only one of the new revelations of the show, but also as an artistically creative, engaging and socially conscious entrepreneur. 

Beyond being a reality TV star, Lauren is first and foremost, the master mind behind Lyon Fine Jewelry - a high-end fashion jewelry company known for its popular Equality & Rock the Vote Bracelets (sported by the likes of Kelly Osborne, Jason Mraz, Perez Hilton, Patti Stanger, Cyndi Lauper, Judd Nelson, Kevin Jonas, to name a few) and most recently, Obama "FORWARD" bracelets in support of the Obama/Biden tickets and its commitment to LGBT rights/Equality (10% of the proceeds donated to the campaign). 

At the helm of her Lyon Fine Jewelry, Lauren’s goal has been and still is to create statement pieces to spark conversations about important social causes and engage people to take action, stand up, speak up, shout out, and ultimately make a statement to make a difference. 

And staying true to that philosophy, Lauren is now taking a brave step by publicly coming out with her Multiple Sclerosis diagnosis.

She is taking on a new role speaking out on behalf of those  2.5 million people worldwide (including 400000 Americans) affected with Multiple Sclerosis, to educate and empower people as well as explain the need for more research. 

According to the National Institutes of Health, the MS symptoms typically include muscle weakness, numbness or tingling sensations and problems with coordination and vision. More common in women, MS is usually diagnosed between age 20 and 40, and symptoms may start out mild, come and go or become so severe that a person becomes unable to speak or walk. 

While Lauren is receiving the proper medical attention and care to deal with her disease, she refuses to play the victim and is committed to fight and make a difference. She is already scheduled to take part in the MS awareness week in NY and walk in the Philly MS walk. 

However, for Lauren Bedford Russell MS Awareness isn't just an event in March: it's a way of life; yet a way of life she has fully embraced (just like her homosexuality) and does not see as a curse. Her goal is to enlighten people who think otherwise, and help those affected by the disease as well as their family members & friends understand and cope with it. 

Again, staying true to her professional and personal principles of using her jewelry to be in the vanguard of social and political activism, and vigorously championing causes that are close to her heart, she has designed a special bracelet called "Positivity Bracelet" - which is orange (MS officially color) cord braided with a + sign in silver - - with 15% of the proceeds going to The National Multiple Sclerosis Society / New York City Chapter.  

Lauren has the power to carry the message to a important niche market as not only being a hugely popular and beloved member of the LGBT community but as well as a young woman taking on, like many others, the courageous challenge of leading a normal life while battling MS. 

The "Positivity Bracelet" is a reminder for us all of the power of positive thinking in the face of adversity. "What you think you become.” - Buddha. 

Lauren Bedford Russell will next appear at the 23rd Anniversary of Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend held April 3-7 in Palm Springs, CA. 

For more information about the "Positivity Bracelet" go to: www.LyonFineJewelry.com or http://lyonfinejewelry.com/positivity/index.html 

Lesbian Erotic Short Story Review: Florence Plays Basketball

Do you never have time to read but feel that you should be reading more? Are you a lady-loving-lady?

Then this erotic short story is definitely for you.

Available on your kindle, Florence Plays Basketball is a mere 10 pages long - perfect for the busy lesbian!

It tells the story of two women who have just met after their rival teams have finished a basketball game... and things quickly develop, if you know what I mean!

We're all about encouraging people to read, even if its only a short story, and you get all this for only $1.99 - that's cheaper than a decent cup of coffee, ladies!

Head on over to Amazon to download the kindle version by CLICKING HERE!

UP & COMING LESBIAN MUSIC: Anastasia Luna

Hey you guys, check this out.

Anastacia Luna is a 23-year old Russian singer-songwriter who just happens to be a lesbian.

Having recently featured in Curve Magazine, Luna releases alternative-pop music alongside risque, LGBT-orientated music videos.

Of course, we here at All Things Lesbian love to support new artists, so check out Anastasia's newest video below!

The Spice Girls Love Lesbians!

So we're a little late to blog about this, but 90s favourites the Spice Girls recently tweeted their love for lesbians.

Melanie Brown (left) and Geri Halliwell at the Brit Awards in 2010.

When expressing her love for one of the characters in the new Spice Girls Musical, Mel B jokingly replied to Geri saying "lesbian!"

Halliwell responded with a resounding "I love lesbians", but Mel B confirmed that she did too.

I'm not sure why, but some people have been taking offence to the Spice Girls' comments - I just think they're adorable!

What was your favourite girl power song by the Spice Girls back in the day?

Vote for Hunter Valentine to Be Played on MTV!

Hunter Valentine need your help, ladies!

This week, the band are amongst the hopefuls who want to get their new music video played on MTV.

New York, NY - Starting today, Monday January 14, Hunter Valentine's new music video "Liar, Liar" has been officially added as one of the five competing videos on MTVU Freshman.If “Liar Liar” wins Hunter Valentine will get regular rotation on MTVU and that’s 20-25 spins a week!  The video will spin on MTVU, on "The Freshman 5" show at least 15 times while the contest is going on! 

Let's make sure our favorite Lesbian band takes the prize home! 

Here’s the link for voting: http://www.mtvu.com/music/beta-wolf-david-sabastian-hunter-valentine-passenger-tonight-alive/

Please note that voting is unlimited - fans can literally vote all day long for the video. Voting guidelines:  http://media.mtvu.com/sitewide/rules/index.jhtml?rulesPage=/music/freshmen/center/rules.jhtml 

(ABSOLUTELY NO VOTING ROBOTS!  USE OF BOTS WILL GET YOU DISQUALIFIED)

You heard: go to http://www.mtvu.com/music/beta-wolf-david-sabastian-hunter-valentine-passenger-tonight-alive/ to vote for Hunter Valentine.

We can finally get more lesbian bands on the mainstream music scene if we vote - please do!

Jodie Foster Finally Comes Out!

If you haven't heard by now, you're a little late to the coming out party.

At last night's Golden Globes, Jodie Foster officially came out publicly, in a rousing, tear-jerking speech.

Although criticized for being so indirect about the whole thing, Jodie was brave and came out in her own unique way to millions of people across the world.

Most people are angry that Foster avoided saying the words "gay" or "lesbian", and avoided blatantly stating the subject as much as she could before actually saying it.

She (comedically) stated "ladies and gentlemen, its time to tell you... I'm single", which people also got angry at. COME ON, she was doing it for comedic effect, which was only exacerbated by the fact that people already knew what she was talking about before she even said the words "coming out".

Jodie continued to thank her sons, her ex-partner and the public for enjoying this journey with her, leaving many stars including current Glee star, Kate Hudson, wiping away the tears.

At the end of her speech Jodie, exposing her emotions to the full, said "[I want to be] not so very lonely."

In my eyes, the way she went about it was only more poetic and memorable - people criticizing her should rather be thanking her because of the fact that she finally did something so terrifying on a huge world stage.

Not to be outdone, of course, show's host Amy Poehler closed the show by saying "we're going home with Jodie Foster. Goodnight!"

Hilarious.

But, on behalf of all of the LGBT community, thank you, Jodie. Thank you for showing the world that someone can be so successful and wonderful and talented and be in the media spotlight and still be part of our way of life.

Lesbian Favourite "Lip Service" Gets Cancelled

One word: NOOOOOOO!

I personally don't understand why, as Lip Service has always done pretty well in the ratings for a BBC Three show.

Alas, its true. Our favourite British lesbian show is no more.

Show creator Harriet Braun tweeted this to the fans:

Aw, man. I'll personally miss "shady" Sadie the most - she was damn hilarious!

Maybe the show went downhill after Lip Service killed off Laura Fraser's character, Cat.

I'm way behind on this tidbit: Laura left because she was cast in (another awesome show!) Homeland. However, she was replaced after the pilot was filmed.

Anyways, it will be sorely missed.

Which character will you miss most? Do you think Lip Service should have been picked up for a third season? Give me your opinions, I love to read them!

Send In Your Questions for Chelsea Lately Funny Lady, Fortune Feimster!

Recognize this lady?

If you're a Chelsea Lately fan then you should!

Coming soon right here, we'll be interviewing Fortune for your enjoyment.

BUT WE NEED YOUR HELP!

We'd love to ask Fortune some fan questions, so either comment on this post or email your questions to allthingsles@gmail.com.

We can't wait!

Dinah Shore Announce 2013 Line Up!

Check out how great the line up for Dinah this year is!

Palm Springs, CA - As women from all over the world will descend upon the famed California desert known as Palm Springs to attend Club Skirts Dinah Shore Weekend April 3-7 (www.TheDinah.com), all with different expectations, schedules, and friends, there is one immutable element that continues to link them all together: the music 

This year, the 2013 Dinah Entertainment Roster delivers, as always, plenty of incredible talent, awesome bands, and groundbreaking artists ranging from pop to dance, and indie music to electronica, that make up one hell of a line up. 

The world’s largest girl party/music festival will, for the 23^rd year in a row, turn the city of Palm Springs into the ultimate entertainment hub, offering an epic slate of Top Ten Billboard headliners, rising pop stars, and celebrities. 

KARMIN, the pop sensation duo & Rolling Stone Magazine's "Woman who Rock" Winner, known for their infectious summer hit "Broken Hearted" headlines The Dinah 2013 during the “Monte Carlo” party held at the Palm Springs Convention Center on Saturday, April 6, 2013.

Talent line-up includes as well HAVANA BROWN ("We Own The Night" ft Pitbull), Reggae/Dancehall legend DIANA KING, the “Vampire Diaries” very own KAT GRAHAM ("Put Your Graffiti On Me"), and electropop duo UH HUH HER as the grand finale (Sunday, April 7). 

Also music’s new “it” girls, ANJULIE ("Brand New Bitch"), K. ROSE ("Sleep When I'm Dead") and KATY TIZ ("Famous"). 

Plus comics FORTUNE FEIMSTER ("Chelsea Lately"), JACKIE LOEB, SUZANNE WESTENHOEFER and exclusive appearances by TV reality stars, LAUREN BEDFORD RUSSELL and KIYOMI McCLOSKEY of "The Real L Word". 

They’ll be accompanied by some of the LGBT community’s favorite lesbian celebrities as OML Media Corporation (www.onemorelesbian.com) has confirmed the return of its ever-popular “Battle Of The Lesbian Web Series”. 

This year The Dinah is introducing two inaugural events, hosting for the first time ever an exclusive “Celebrity Poker Tournament” on Saturday, April 6, with all proceeds going to the Human Rights Campaign (HRC). Stay tuned, as the complete list of celebrity poker players will be revealed on March 1. 

In addition, The Dinah is launching a Movie Premiere event in association with actress, Jill Bennett, who will world-debut the first two episodes of the new independent sitcom written by Nancylee Myatt (3way), Dara Nai (afterellen.com), and Claudia Cogan (last comic standing) entitled “ Second Shot”. 

Held April 3-April 7, 2013 in Palm Springs, CA, Club Skirts Dinah Shore – the original Dinah Shore Weekend - now in its milestone 23rd year is already on its way to be the biggest it's ever been.

Please note this is a partial List. For a full talent line-up and/or to purchase tickets go to: www.TheDinah.com

Uh Huh Her? Jill Bennett? Fortune Feimster?

This line up cannot be missed, if you ask me!

Men We Couldn't POSSIBLY Turn Down

Yeah, yeah, this is a lesbian blog.

But its also a lesbian OPINION blog.

And you know straight girls always have their "girl crushes"? Well we figured, why can't we gay girls have our "man crushes"?

Here's a run down of a few of the only men we'd willingly let touch our vaginas kiss us.

Alexander Skarsgård - Edward who? Twilight? What's Twilight?

Hell to the no, we like our vampires just like this one. Skarsgård, who plays reformed bad boy vamp Eric Northman, on True Blood is one hell of a guy. (Okay, maybe we've said 'hell' too much now.)

Not only is the writing on True Blood incredibly witty, Alexander makes his character the best male on the show - he's not whiny like Bill, in other words. He's bad ass.

All of this makes him a definite YES in our books.

Jesse Williams (top) and Eric Dane - Now we've stuck these two together, because they're both Grey's Anatomy veterans, but they couldn't be more different.

Yet look how suave and broody they both are. And have you seen them on Grey's? They're like the wonder-duo of plastic surgery.

And we can tell why these two were cast, if you know what I mean.

Matt Bomer - Now I've been a fan of this guy ever since he appeared in classic Eliza Dushku show, Tru Calling, but as of late, he's become more recognizable to the public eye.

Not only did he feature in super camp blockbuster Magic Mike in 2012, he can also be seen donning that swag suit of his in White Collar.

Why do we like him? Maybe its his baby blues. Maybe its the fact that he always seems kinda gay.

Whatever it is, he's a beautiful man.

SIDE NOTE TO ALL TELEVISION PRODUCERS: More female characters should wear suits. Hot, hot, hot!

Justin Bieber - Okay, okay, unpopular opinion. But we had to have at least one guy who looks like a lesbian on the list, right?

He's come a long way since 2009 when he was still that annoying kid with floppy hair.

He may be a douche in interviews/all real-life situations, but look how gorgeous he is!

Robert Downey Jr. - I mean, who can resist Iron Man, for Christ's sake?!

Mark Harmon - Oh, Mark Harmon. The older, wiser man.

You may be thinking "is this a joke?" NO. This is no joke. Mark Harmon is hot and always has been. Don't believe me? Check out some of his older photographs.

Most people know him as special agent Gibbs in NCIS. And that is part of what makes him hot. Super hot.

Either that, or we just have Daddy issues...


Who did we miss that you're forever calling your "guy crush"?

I know, I know, Taye Diggs should have made the list. Anyone else?

Let us know below!

The Women of 2012

So, we're one week into 2013, meaning we've had a week to decide on which of the wonderful women in the media made 2012 a year to remember for the LGBTQ community.

Whether they won our hearts on our television screens or through their alliance with our people, the following women deserve a mention.

Note: This is only the author's opinion. Let us know in the comments who you'd have put in this list!

Women in Television.

We think its only necessary to give a shout out to the little Canadian show that could, Lost Girl.

One of the most sex and sexuality positive shows on television, Lost Girl provided us with yet more LGBTQ action via the above to gorgeous ladies.

Anna Silk (right) and Zoie Palmer play Bo and Lauren, two of the few characters on television who are neither labelled nor defined by their sexual orientation.

In fact, what these two are is never discussed on the show - something we need to see more of. Silk and Palmer play these two women perfectly, portraying a relationship of love, without second thought to gender.

Right on, ladies.

Not only that, but there was something for the teen lesbian this year, too.

In the absence of Naomily (Skins) in 2012, Pretty Little Liars showed young, struggling teens everywhere that being a lesbian is no less normal than being heterosexual.

Shay Mitchell (left) and Lindsey Shaw play queer teens, Emily Fields and Paige McCullers in the smash hit teen drama.

What this show does is place this couple among three other straight couples (lovingly named Spoby, Ezria and Haleb by fans) and ensures that their relationship is treated no differently to that of Emily's heterosexual friends. What we're saying is, its the South of Nowhere of our time.

Shay and Lindsey, despite being straight in reality (as far as we know), conjure up some extreme chemistry and play a young lesbian couple rather expertly.

FYI: Pretty Little Liars is set to return to your screens TONIGHT, at 8/7c.

Basically, we want to say thanks, Lost Girl and Pretty Little Liars, for showing both adults and young people that gay is most definitely okay.

Other honorable mentions: Lauren German (Chicago Fire), Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw (Grey's Anatomy) and the cast of The Real L Word.

Female LGBTQ Allies.

Its true: 2012 was a great year for women showing their allied support of our community.

Firstly, we'd like to mention Once Upon A Time's Evil Queen, Lana Parrilla. Mainly because if we didn't, you'd kill us.

Not only does Lana play one half of fan-favourite "Swan Queen" (the OUAT lesbian crackship), Parrilla often expresses her support for the community and even spoke at the Human Rights Gala in the summer.

She may appear evil on our screens, but in real life, what a sweetie she is!

Ladies in politics also succeeded in showing us their support and their demand for equal LGBTQ rights last year.

First lady Michelle Obama and Secretary of State, Hillary Clinton, two of the most well-known women in politics today, expressed their undying support for the human rights campaign.

As you may very well know (which you should!) US President, Barack Obama became the first president to explicitly state his approval of gay marriage in America. However, we wonder how far he'd have come without Michelle at his side.

Her support provided a huge crutch for Obama to lean on during what was such a courageous speech in 2012 that we can only congratulate her just as much as we thank Mr. Obama for taking the time to broadcast such a speech.

Even before that, however, Hillary Clinton did the exact same thing. She traveled far and wide to spread the message about equal rights and marriage for gay people, making us only want her even more to run for President in 2013, despite her ill-health.

We wish you a speedy recovery, Ms. Clinton!

Other honorable mentions: Sally Field, who spoke openly about her love for her gay son and her support for LGBTQ rights, and the women (and men!) at corporations such as Starbucks, Intel and Oreo, for standing up against anti-gay businesses. *cough* Chick-Fil-A, we're looking at you.


We could go on to mention women in music, film, education and advocacy who stood up for the LGBTQ community in 2012, but we want to put the rest over to you.

Which women do you think deserve a place on the "Women of 2012" list? Which power females really made 2012 a good year for you?

Let us know below!