Lesbian Advice #6: How Do You Avoid Lesbian Drama?

Disclaimer: This advice column is completely confidential - all questions are anonymous and the author will never reveal an inquirer's identity. All Things Lesbian and its contributors are not responsible for the personal interpretation of any advice given. Advice written here is the opinion and suggestion of the author, and the decision on whether to take said advice is completely down to the individual reader. We're not professionals - we're simply here trying to make things a little easier for you. Enjoy!

Question 1: Does My Boyfriend Really Understand What It Means To Be Bisexual?

Q: I've been dating a guy for over a year and a half, and within that time I have come to terms with my bisexuality. He is supportive of me but I'm never sure if he understands the extremity of this self-discovery. We have never been fully compatible but we enjoy each other's company; I just don't know what to do in this situation. (I have asked my friends but they don't really have any concept of the coming out process.) Any advice would be GREATLY appreciated.

- H

A: This question sounds a little ambiguous to me. Are you asking how you can help your boyfriend to understand what a big deal this is to you? Or are you questioning whether you are happy with him?

Let's answer both sides of the question and see if that helps.

If you're simply wanting to help him understand the extremity of your new found identity, there is no other way than to sit down and really talk to him about it. And I mean TALK. Get everything off your chest. Don't avoid little details because you don't think they're important. In the end if he doesn't really get it, does it really matter that much in the grand scheme of things? I'd suggest that what is most important is that you are comfortable with yourself. You need to fully come to terms with things such as your sexual orientation in order to even slightly help others to understand. Start off with really thinking about what being bisexual means to you.

In regards to questioning how right you are for each other, think about how you feel about him. Do you think about him when you close your eyes above all other people in the world? You say you're not fully compatible but you enjoy each other's company. Think about whether or not this relationship feels like it would be better as just friends to you. Of course this is going to be hard - you've spent over a year of your life by his side! - but wouldn't you rather be 100% happy with who you choose to be with, male or female?

Hopefully some of these tips will help you come to a proper conclusion. Good luck!

Question 2: LESBIAN DRAMA!

Q: How do you avoid lesbian drama?

- @TheC_Spot via Twitter

A: If any lesbian knew the sure-fire answer to this question, I'm pretty sure they'd be labelled a Goddess.

Honestly, whether you're a lesbian or not you're going to be hit by drama once in a while. The only way to avoid it completely for your entire life is to become a hermit with no friends.

However, there have been a series of things I've attempted to do in the past that seem to work pretty well. 

Firstly, don't pick sides. Ever! If two of your friends try and drag you into their argument, simply stay out of it, even if you do have an opinion. Be supportive to both friends, but never get personally involved. That's my main rule.

Secondly, stop bitching! If you have a problem with someone, arrange to talk to them. TALKING IS THE BEST MEDICINE. Don't back stab your former girlfriend because of something she did. Let her know that she has upset you TO HER FACE. Everyone can respect someone that stands up and is honest about their feelings. No one likes a bitch. It's that simple.

Again, there is no way to avoid drama. I'm sure you all know that straight people, gay men, bisexuals, pansexuals, HUMANS... they all have drama too! It's unavoidable. But hopefully the things mentioned above will help you at some point in your life.

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"Grey's Anatomy" Creator On Why She Includes Gay Characters

You know that little, low key drama on television, Grey's Anatomy? Of course you do.

Well Shonda Rhimes, the show's creator is responsible for one of lesbianism's current favourite television couples, Calzona.

And as usual, Ms. Rhimes succeeded in giving an applause-worthy response when asked "why she has all the gays on her shows".

Check it out:

“And because I love all my gay and lesbian friends. AND because I think same-sex marriage is the civil rights fight of our era and back when being a person of color was the civil rights fight, people like Norman Lear put black people on TV and helped change some minds. So you know, it's gotta be paid forward. As long as we are willing to sit by while one person is not free, none of us are free.”

Amen, sistah!

*Cue shameless plug of Grey's Anatomy*

If you've never watched it, GO WATCH IT. If not just for the lovely ladies above, a.k.a. Jessica Capshaw (left) and Broadway songstress, Sara Ramirez.

It's gritty, raw drama. Check it out. We've already proved its LGBT friendly!

Another Struggle For Calzona?

Yep, you must know who I mean when I say 'Calzona' by now.

Obviously I mean gay surgeons from Grey's Anatomy, Callie Torres and Arizona Robbins, played by Sara Ramirez and Jessica Capshaw.

Well, if you don't want to hear a sneak peek of Ramirez singing in the upcoming musical and you're avoiding spoilers, DO NOT WATCH THE VIDEO BELOW.

So what do you lesbians think?

Is the person in the bed who you think it is? Where is Arizona at this time?

I for one am super excited about the musical. I was a bit cautious at first because I thought it'd suck, but this actually looks intense and pretty much what Grey's used to be.

Although Grey's Anatomy is currently on hiatus, you can watch new episodes starting March 24th on ABC.

If I could visit any state, it'd have to be Arizona...

Can I just take a moment out to appreciate the genius behinds Grey's Anatomy newcomer Jessica Capshaw?

You eagle-eyed L Word fans might have noticed that Capshaw also played schoolgirl Nadia in season five of the show. (She was also awesome in that role too, by the way.)

Anyway yeah, Capshaw equals pure genius. And I'm not just talking about her looks!

As Dr. Arizona Robbins in Grey's, the lovely Jessica brings a level head to the surgery: every week without fail she seems to deliver a speech to a troubled patient or Doctor or some other poor soul, making you instantly fall in love with her.

Last night's episode (October 15th, 2009) saw Capshaw convincing her girlfriend's worried Father that being gay really is okay. Of course I know that the show's chief writer Shonda Rhimes has something to do with the perfection of Arizona, but the way in which Jessica plays her with such conviction brings a tear to my drama-loving eye.

Speaking of conviction, major kudos to Sara Ramirez (who plays Calliope Torres) this week.

Ramirez plays Arizona's girlfriend, who's Father (previously mentioned) is particularly hostile to his daughter's lifestyle choice. What I'm mentioning her for though is that she fought back at her Dad in the most kick ass way this week, it made me actually believe her.

My point is, these two straight (as far as I know!) women are absolutely flawless in their acting, and really do us gay ladies some justice.

What a pair of amazing women.

Romeo and Julian?

It's been almost a week since this headline hit the newspapers (sorry for the late post!), but I'm sure some of you guys and girls in the US haven't heard about it...

Apparently, after a group of students from a mixed race and gender school in East London, it sparked a controversial argument about whether 'Romeo and Julian' (a play about tackling homophobia, based on Shakespeare's Romeo and Juliet) should be allowed.

According to parents, they think it is ludicrous for 'such a literary masterpiece to be used as a basis for such a politically correct purpose'. Now, excuse me if I'm wrong, but shouldn't we be wanting to use well-known plays and books to put across today's issues so that the audience can relate to them?

Also, it was said that all parents want children to be learning 'Romeo and Juliet' and not 'Romeo and Julian'. Then tell me now why it is acceptable to teach children about suicide (which is not a part of every day human life - if you're emotionally stable, of course) but it is not acceptable to teach them about homosexuality (which is firmly a part of every day human life.)

Straight parents of the UK: the world is changing, get the f**k over it!

P.s. Sorry, gays, for posting such a gut-wrenching, vomit-worthy picture above. (Yes, I was deliberately trying to be heterophobic - which would cause absolute uproar if it were to be more mainstream. See how we feel hetties?)