by Bo Sellers
Sometimes I meet people who instantly speak to my soul. It’s this
exact scenario that led me to discover I actually prefer women. I love
being in love and I love loving. Everyone you meet has a unique purpose for
coming in to your life, but on your quest for true love, how do you recognize
what it is? What kind of love are you genuinely feeling towards this
person? Lover? Friend? Soulmate?
My passion for loving is so intense I develop a bit of a word vomit when
it comes to disclosing the “L” word. When I dated men, this was a quick
way to weed out the ones incapable of handling my white girl crazy, but with
women, my own comfort level has allowed others to break down their walls and go
on adventures of the heart with me.
When I’m in love with someone, they’re the first person I think of in
the morning, and the last one I think of before I fall asleep, and even in my
dreams, they still never leave me. The excitement of such happenstance
introductions sets off my over-analytical mind and I begin to rifle through
every possible scenario of their impending significance.
Once the initial intensity winds down, my mind becomes less-clouded and I'm able to better assess someone’s purpose in my life. But
sometimes my emotions have landed me into situations where it wasn't until much later than I should have realized it takes more than love to sustain a
relationship, or as Patti Smith once sang so honestly, “sometimes love just ain't enough.” I've experienced three very different, and very real
scenarios, where no matter how strongly I found myself loving someone, it could
never be.
3. You have nothing in common, except that you love each other - You've met someone. You shared an instant connection and decided
to explore your infatuation further. It isn't until you've invested
months, or even years in each other you've awoken to the fact, every time you
say black, they say white. They’re not TRYING to be difficult. It’s
not because they don’t love you. It’s just because, it’s who they are. From religion, to choice in music, to career aspirations, if your major
deal-breakers aren't aligning, it’s best to appreciate the time you've shared and
move on. While some differences should be celebrated, sacrificing your
own passions to support your partners' is not necessary. You deserve to be
with someone who encourages you to be the best YOU can be, not the you they’d
like you to be.
2. Mental or Physical Abuse - Love is amazing,
but it should never come at the expense of your own well-being. Before
dating women, I could more easily recognize abuse from a man, but for some
reason I'm having a harder time with women. While I'm learning to draw
the line between playful rough-housing and actual harm, I've decided to adapt a
new rule of thumb. If something makes me uncomfortable, and I clearly
communicate it to my partner, and they continue to engage in the aforementioned
behavior, I'm done. No matter HOW much I think I love them. I've also noticed I'm more tolerant of such behaviors when I'm not loving myself as
much as I should be. To quote The Perks of Being a Wallflower: “We
accept the love we think we deserve.” Remember you deserve the best,
simply because you are the best. The best you.
1. She’s married - This one may seem
like a no-brainer, but sometimes things happen and before you know it, you’re
caught up in a whirlwind romance that feels more perfect than anything you've experienced before. None of the perfect moments or feelings take away her
prior commitment to her family, and your own commitment to yourself and your
individual happiness. You told yourself you would never date a married
person, but now you’re in deeper than a diver searching for remains of the
Titanic, and your love story is even more beautifully tragic than Rose and
Jack’s. Yet, you must walk away. For her benefit, for her family’s
benefit, and most importantly for your own. Perhaps you’ll meet again, in
a different lifetime, but this one is obviously not your shared happily ever
after.
Loving someone is a splendid journey, and I would much rather fall in
love a 1,000 times than spend my life being afraid of it. Don’t ignore
all self-preservation. You control your own happiness, so work on finding
a balance between giving love away equal to that which you receive. Lesbian love is the greatest love I've ever experienced, but I'm still
learning and discovering new boundaries along the way. I have to remember
to keep my intuition clear to the signs that may show I need to let go of the
less than perfect idea of love I'm holding on to, to find the love truly meant
for me.
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