by Bo Sellers
This past September I was featured on a weight-loss show called “My Big Fat Revenge.” Now,50 pounds lighter, in body and mind, I've lost the weight and found myself. When my soul awoke to my sexuality, it was as if my mind, also, awoke for the first time. Everything I encounter comes with a fresh curiosity, that only previously existed within societal constraints keeping my imagination at bay. My new sense of self has gifted me more patience, yet I'm still searching for balance in understanding things from the outside looking in so I'm working on cutting the fat in other areas of my life as well.
1. Bye-bye judging books by their covers. - Before I realized I was gay, I would quickly jump to conclusions about people, taking them merely at face-value. I logically knew people were more than what I saw on the surface, but there was a barrier within me sending my mind directly to judgement. With my new open-mind, I'm able to take time to truly appreciate everyone’s different forms of expression. You really can find the good in ANYone if you look hard enough, some you may have to look harder than others, but it’s there. It’s always there. If I find myself struggling to appreciate anyone's personality, I imagine them naked and crying over a pile of raw beef, if nothing else I'm greeted with a smile from proposed nudity.
2. Bye-bye double-standards. - I need to remember just because I know I'm gay now doesn't mean the whole world does. I find myself frustrated when men hit on me to the point I've considered a style makeover. But I love my long hair and 6 inch heels too much to be anything but a lipstick lezBO. But seriously, how are the men supposed to know I prefer poohnahnah? And shouldn't I be flattered either way? I used to look at every man I was attracted to and assume he was straight, because that’s what I wanted him to be. I shouldn't chastise a man for doing the exact thing I used to, and still sometimes do. Even now, I look at every woman I'm attracted to and assume she’s gay because that’s what I want her to be. Although, the women I'm attracted to do tend to have more masculine qualities. It takes a real woman to be man enough for me.
3. Bye-bye fear. - By the age of 14 I found myself at a significant crossroads. I had sworn off salad from a near-death choking accident as a toddler. Until one day, salad was the only food available and I was forced to face my fear or go hungry. Any inner-fat-girl can tell you, the latter was not an option. I'm glad I had to face my salad fear because otherwise I wouldn't have discovered a whole new world of leafy flavor I’d been missing out on. Women are my favorite entrée and I refuse to be intimidated by them any more. I am going to be fearless in love. I’ll probably end up shot through the heart a time or two, but no one can say I didn't try. Let the cheesy 80's courting begin.
I know my new skills won’t be mastered overnight, but I also know a life free of judgement, double-standards and fear can lead to nothing but happiness and pleasure. Even if it takes my entire lifetime to perfect one of them, it’s a journey worth taking. Appreciating everyone I meet allows me to better appreciate myself, and self-appreciation is key to loving and being loved.