Sorry for the disappointing introduction, but I'm still in shock because of this damn TV show. Ugh. Check below the cut because this recap will (obviously) contain spoilers and I know some of you non-UK watchers may not have seen it yet...
I hope you all had Kleenex at the ready for this.
The episode, in the beginning, was all fine and dandy - sex, booze, bits of humour from the ever-amazing Tess... It was just standard Lip Service, as you'd expect.
It's Cat's (Laura Fraser) birthday, Tess (Fiona Button) continues to (unsuccessfully) flirt with newbie Lexy (Anna Skellern)... About that, she just ended things with Fin? What?
Look, she's not impressed either:
Anyway, then we get a visit from shady Sadie, who we find out later is living in her car, Nora continues to be a massive bitch to my girl Tess and Lexy continues to crush on Sam (Heather Peace). Can I just clarify: TESS AND LEXY NEED TO BE TOGETHER AND NOT TESS AND SAM. BYE SAM. BYE.
Cut to adulterous Cat, who has brought Frankie (Ruta Gedmintas) the ultimate present: herself in a corset. Yep, seems like she didn't spend much money on this 'gift' but she does 'let' Frankie watch her masturbate. Hot.
In a moment of peace, Franky gives her a rather more expensive bracelet with their initials inscribed on the inside (so no one will see) and then chaos resumes: Tess catches Cat kissing Frankie as she leaves to meet her actual girlfriend. Or maybe she's going to work. Whatever, it's not important.
Sadie arrives just as Frankie convinces THAT ADORABLE GIRL, TESS, not to tell anyone and the pair of them head off to a photo shoot.
Now, here's when you're going to need your tissues, handkerchief, bucket to vomit in (which I very nearly needed). Frankie sends Cat a reassuring text that Tess won't tell anyone what she saw and that she loves her. Aww. But it's all very bittersweet...
BECAUSE A MOTHER F*CKING CAR COMES FLYING OUT OF NOWHERE AND KILLS CAT THERE AND THEN.
YOU WHAT, LIP SERVICE?! YOU. F*CKING. WHAT?!
And just when she's wheeled into the hospital (sexy Lexy attempts to rescue her) and you think "oh, she's a main character. She won't die in episode 2!", Cat is pronounced dead.
(Note my expert
paint photoshop skills).
That's right, apparently Laura Fraser has "other acting commitments". HOW DARE SHE?
Doesn't end there though: Frankie's too busy rolling in the mud (literally) with Sadie in the middle of nowhere that she breaks her phone and no one can tell her what's happened.
Sam, Tess and Cat's brother, Ed, come running, but it's all too late. They didn't even get to say goodbye.
AT LEAST ALICE GOT TO SAY GOODBYE TO DANA, DAMN IT! (I'm still not over that, either.)
Of course, Sam tries to be all gallant and get her own back on the dude who hit her girlfriend, but she's a huge p*ssy at heart and backs off.
*skips boring parts to Cat's funeral*
Oh, here's Jay, who's been the invisible man up until now.
Lip Service can never have a single scene without drama, though - thank God it's not called "Funeral Service" - because Frankie storms out making a scene as soon as it's Sam's turn to talk. And, classic Frankie, she goes to get off her rocker on whiskey.
Weepy Frankie (after being rejected by her Mother) goes to Cat's grave and again, rolls around in mud. I'm surprised her apartment doesn't have a fitted mud bath. Seems she likes it more than the average lesbian.
Aaaaaaand if things weren't bad enough, Sam finds a piece of wood with Frankie & Cat's initials carved into it among Cat's things. She's confused. Serves you right for being nosy. (HA! I apologise, I'm not a fan of Sam as you may have noticed. Unpopular opinion.)
To end the show, Frankie reverts to her old way and bangs Sadie. I know you promised Cat you wouldn't sleep with anyone when she was ALIVE, but Frankie, ISN'T THIS A BIT SOON?!
Oh well, once a whore always a whore, in this case.
Honestly, I could have vomited when that car hit. And I know a lot of you were in tears for a good 40 minutes of the episode.
I know, I know. There, there.
We'll get over it.